I've got to start writing more about India and less about people in the group and what they think of me. I am missing the country. Here I am, outside of the city, in the SIP Guest House, with other white kids, on the internet, watching American movies, or in my room, which is even more isolated. No windows to see India outside. I could be anywhere. Maybe I'm not actually in India and this is all some illusion. Like the Truman Show. This is a movie set. I should go to GOPS. At least then I would be surrounded by Indians.

What is the "real" India? It's a question that has been bothering me. Is there a "real" India? What defines "real?" Are the lives that rich people live less real? It seems so. It seems so American. But maybe I'm being too critical. There have always been wealthy people here. Is it the blatant adoption of western culture that makes it less "real?" Everything that exists is real. Maybe "genuine" is the word I should use. But what are words if not culture? My words can't be used to describe India. Hindi cannot even be used to describe India. Maybe the concept of India is too big. India is more of a continent than a country. And I haven't seen most of it. Hell, I haven't seen much of Andra Pradesh, or of Hyderabad. Everything here is so vague and abstract. There is so much that I will never see. And the details are so hard to retain. The language doesn't stay in my head. For example, we went to a Krishna temple yesterday and there were these three ecstatic statues and I cannot remember their story or names.

The problem is that I have spent too much time in one area of Hyderabad. We grasp at the familiar within the unfamiliar. Banjara Hills. The rich area of the city. I am so tired of Banjara Hills. We shop there, eat there, go to clubs there (although I don't think I'll be doing that anytime soon), do everything there. The Hyderabad Central Mall. Never going there again. A western-style mall. Weird.

I'm going to explore the other side of the city. Even if it takes 2 hours to get there, I will go. I will leave early in the morning. I will take a boat out in the lake to see the Buddha statue in the middle of the water. I will weather torrential rain and swarms of mosquitoes. This is my life. And I will share it with like-minded people. They exist. I know it.